Seattle Man Dressed as Ninja Indecently Exposes Himself
While international attention focuses on Syrian refugees, North Korea, and the increasingly surreal concept of President Trump, the timeless idealogical battle between supporters of pirates vs. ninjas rages ever on. Is the ongoing competition for “which is cooler” as significant as these other current events? It’s up for debate, but no. Is it mildly relevant to the ongoing manhunt for Seattle’s masturbating ninja? Honesty, not so much.
But ask yourself this: are pirates in the news for masturbating outside of peoples’ homes in Seattle? Oh, they’re not? Huh. Interesting.
The Masked Masturbator
Some sources are referring to Seattle’s horny ninja as the “masked masturbator,” which sounds like the name of a bad guy in an erotic Scooby-Doo fanfiction. Someone should check up on that. Make sure it’s not copyrighted.
Unlike Scooby-Doo, however, the Masked Masturbator a real problem and not a cartoon. This is something that his victims, college students from the University of Washington, know all too well. The Masked Masturbator has been visiting the same house since last November. He stands outside their front door, peeks through the window, and gets to work.
He comes around at night, as any respectable ninja would. The Masked Masturbator doesn’t get much points for respect, so it’s important to throw him a bone every now and then. Since it’s harder to be witness when it’s dark outside, his campaign of terror went pretty much unseen until January 10. A woman saw him in action and reported the incident to authorities. There were a few weeks of nothing, but the ninja returned on February 7. How do we know? Because it’s all on tape.
Who Likes Ninja Porn?
Yes, law enforcement killed two birds with one stone by catching the Masked Masturbator on camera. They scored a decent lead on their criminal target AND built the foundation for a gripping, albeit amateur, porno. “The Masked Masturbator — inspired by a true story.”
As misguided as this creep is, he at least seems to have a firm grasp on ninja-friendly colors. Night-vision footage shows a white costume, which means his get-up is dark to people with human eyes. Ninjas, at least the professionals, are well-known for wearing black and probably navy. Common knowledge, but important nonetheless.
Also, let’s be real, the fact that he’s wearing those shoes with toes is overwhelmingly appropriate. They go well with his ninja mask, which appears to be a tied-up shirt. He may not be classy, but he’s certainly resourceful.
The Masked Masturbator only leaves three areas exposed. His eyes are free, allowing him to peek through windows and watch for cops. His hands and penis are also free, and he combines these to engage in the activity which is his namesake.
Public Indecency, Indecent Exposure
Call it one, call it both, call it whatever you want — the Masked Masturbator is guilty of criminal behavior. Can you figure out what his crime is?
If you guessed “masturbating in public,” you are correct! If you guessed “privacy invasion,” you’re also correct! By masturbating on the private property of another person, he’s committed indecent exposure. By peeking through the windows of said private residence, he’s invaded their privacy.
Each crime, in this particular situation, is worth at least Class A misdemeanors on their own. Since the Masked Masturbator has been witnessed and recorded committed these offenses more than once, it’s not unlikely that his charges will be worse. Crimes usually are punished more severely when they’re committed alongside another crime or when they’re committed repeatedly. So felony charges aren’t out of the question for the Masked Masturbator… if he’s ever caught.
At Turner Law Offices, P.C., our team of attorneys has years of experience working with clients across a wide range of criminal cases, including those involving privacy law and public indecency. Whether you’re the victim of either crime, or unjustly charged, it’s crucial that you seek quality legal representation — successful resolutions are harder to achieve without a lawyer. Since your criminal record and probably your mental well-being are both at stake, there’s no reason to invest your time in a battle that’s easy to lose.
Call today, or go online to set up your free initial consultation, and meet with a skilled lawyer who’s ready and waiting to guide you toward the justice you deserve.
