Man drops acid, hallucinates house fire, and “rescues” a dog
Michael Orchard, a New Yorker from Halfmoon, was very courageous last Thursday. The 43-year-old man noticed that his neighbor’s house was on fire and immediately leapt into action, braving the flames and rescuing the dog trapped inside the inferno. By the time local authorities arrived at the scene, Orchard had already accomplished his mission, standing outside the house with the dog safe in his arms. Nobody was hurt.
Also, the house wasn’t on fire. Michael Orchard was just tripping some serious balls.
A heroic hallucination:
Firefighters don’t drop acid (on the job) for a reason, or rather, several reasons, one of them being the fact that hallucinations and fires don’t mix well. Let’s take a moment to remind ourselves of LSD’s effects:
- Warped sense of time (very slow or very fast);
- Auditory hallucinations (hearing stuff that isn’t there);
- Visual hallucinations (seeing stuff that isn’t there);
- Distorted sense of sight and sound (stuff that IS there looks and sounds weird);
- Extreme mood swings ( high highs and low lows).
Yes, we don’t want our firefighters trying to locate and extinguish fires if they’re prone to irrational emotions and across-the-board hallucinations. The proof is in Michael Orchard, who didn’t just drop acid — he also mixed it with a bunch of cough syrup.
According to the neighbors in Orchard’s housing development, the incident began when Orchard started dashing between neighbors’ houses, bang on front doors and yelling about a fire. Nobody saw any fires so nobody helped.
This lack of a response prompted Orchard to take control of the situation. He hopped into his black BMW and blasted that sedan through the backyard fence of the house he thought was on fire. Phase one complete. Orchard then proceeded to the back door, which he obliterated, gaining entry. Phase two: also a success. From then on, it was smooth sailing — grab the big white dog and get the hell out.
When the cops showed up, Orchard thought he was a hero. But heroes don’t leave the scene of their heroism in the backseat of a squad car. All in all, his truly heroic efforts came after the rescue, when he didn’t freak out at the cops for arresting him. They described him as “cooperative.”
Classic Michael Orchard?
Based on the neighborhood response to the situation, it seems like Michael Orchard’s shenanigans might be precedented. Nobody really wanted to talk to reporters because they feared “retribution in the tightly packed development.” Off the camera, however, some neighbors evidently provided lists of other things Orchard may or may not have broken in the past. Unfortunately, these lists aren’t immediately available.
Of course, Michael Orchard will still pay the piper for this burning house fiasco. He was arrested on a $15,000 bail, charged with burglary and criminal mischief.
You might still be wondering: “What about the drug offenses for mixing acid with cough syrup and driving through a fence in his car?” Local News had the same question and asked the police. Spokesman Mark Cepial responded thusly:
“He drove over yards and through the fence. At no point was he on the roadway and no illegal substances were found in his possession.”
So there you have it. To get charged with drug possession you have to possess drugs, and to be charged with driving under the influence, you have to be driving on a roadway (apparently). And that’s just the way she goes.
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