Safety Vigilantes Caught On Camera Destroying Oregon Boulder
If you were getting a load of the most photogenic rock in Oregon’s Cape Kiwanda State Natural Area, “the duckbill”, back when it was still standing, you might have remarked that it looks capable of collapsing at any given moment. That would’ve been a fair assessment. I never assessed it and maybe you’re in that boat too, but we can both realistically assume we’re within two degrees of someone who climbed it for an Instagram photo.
The Duckbill (a name worthy of capitalization) was about seven feet tall and ten feet wide until very recently. It looked like a chicken-necked golem poking its head out of the ground at a cliff’s edge, or something else that’s big and heavy and balancing on a twig. To put it simply, a picture on top of The Duckbill was a picture to die for.
A classic murder mystery:
The thing about a rock formation that looks like it could collapse at any given moment is that it can probably collapse at any moment. This was why, upon finding The Duckbill’s remains in a pile, the Oregon Parks and Recreation Department basically shrugged. Ten points to Mother Nature.
Foul play wasn’t considered until a fellow named David Kalas came into the mix. He suggested to park officials that The Duckbill didn’t die of natural causes — it was murdered. And he knew this, of course, the had the murder on video. This is 2016 for godsake.
Here’s David Kalas’s film:
Pretty good right? Short, sweet, not too heavy on dialogue. Easily digestible. According to Kalas, his inspiration to switch his portable telephone to video camera mode came when the hoodlums goofing off around The Duckbill caused it to wobble. And as you can see, his quick trigger finger caught the crime right on time. Sploosh — or as the guy at the end of the video said, “Got ‘im!”
Yes, it certainly looks like those goofballs pushed down The Duckbill deliberately But I mean, why? This was the question smoldering on David Kalas’s tongue in the moment and you better believe he fired away:
“I asked them, you know, why the knocked the rock down, and the reply I got was: their buddy broke their leg earlier because of that rock. They basically told me themselves that it was a safety hazard and that they did the world or Oregon a favor.”
With that in mind, it’s probably a good idea to correct my label for the rock-pushers. They weren’t hoodlums or goofballs. They were, and perhaps remain, safety vigilantes. Their job is to do the dirty work, all the shit most people don’t have the balls to even consider. So they did it for public safety, and you know what else? They also got revenge for the friend who got beat up by The Duckbill.
This vocation of safety vigilante, for the record, is not sponsored by the government. Now that the Oregon Parks and Recreation Department knows that these safety vigilantes vandalized their stuff, they’ve contacted the police and are working on a path toward justice. “The department takes vandalism of a state park’s natural features seriously,” says their official statement.
Each safety vigilante present during the destruction of The Duckbill will be forced to pay a $435 fine (if they’re ever caught).
Vandalism in Tennessee
Every state will have their own specific laws that define vandalism in a “legal” sense. In Tennessee, person is guilty of vandalism if they damage or destroy anything that belongs to another person or to the government. Obvious examples come to mind: setting a mailbox on fire, smashing a priceless vase, stuff like that. However — it’s important to remember that polluting can also count as vandalism, if the pollution can be traced to the violation of another person’s (or the government’s) rights.
At Turner Law Offices, P.C., our team of attorneys has years of experience working with clients across a wide range of criminal cases. We’ve seen our fair share of vandalism offenses, to say the least. If you’ve been accused of vandalizing something, the first step to protecting yourself in the courtroom is to seek trustworthy legal representation. The sooner you hash out the details of your present circumstances with an attorney, the better off you are in the long run, so don’t wait! Call today, or go online to set up your free initial consultation, and meet with a skilled lawyer who’s ready and waiting to guide you toward the justice you deserve.
